I've been thinking a great deal about love lately. This is due to my current life circumstances. My husband of 30 years has left me saying he no longer has any feelings for me.
This is called apathy.
Apathy is lack of emotion, lack of interest, lack of active participation.
Apathy is a noun, there is no action.
Love is a verb because it requires action.
In the beginning of a relationship, we 'fall in love' - feelings, and then we do loving actions. Your feelings inspire your actions. This “love” is primarily physical and will not last as it alone cannot sustain a relationship.
Mature love is both a feeling and an action. The actions create that wonderful feeling. When the actions stop, the wonderful feeling will be replaced with pain.
This is when many, perhaps more shallow people will give up and turn to someone else. It is easier to blame the other person and look for someone new to fill the need than it is to put forth the effort on your relationship. Perhaps if you have “lost that loving feeling” it is because there are no active efforts on your part.
If you choose loving actions first, your feelings will follow.
You don't jog 5 miles and eat a restricted diet because you feel healthy. You feel healthy because of those actions.
You don’t start feeling better and then take your medicine. You take your medicine and then you start to feel better.
If you have no loving feelings and instead feel apathy towards someone you once loved, take action.
Show love to this person. Pray for God to bless them. Think of little things you can do which will mean something to them. Make sure it is something they will like not something you would like. Try to think of something that would evoke a special memory from the past. It need not be anything elaborate, costly, or overly involved. After all, you don’t feel like doing anything right now. But it only takes small steps to change things.
These small efforts along with connecting through touch and talk will change your thinking and your "feelings".
Make it a point to use loving touches two or three times a day. Actually try to focus on the touch transferring positive, good feelings. It may be taking their hand or touching their arm or shoulder in a comforting or caring way. It could be something more, like a back or foot massage.
Make a few minutes two or three times a day to let this person know that you are thinking of them or to really listen to them. It may just be a quick call to say, "Hi I was thinking about you and wondered how your day is." It may be 10 or 15 minutes to listen to them talk about something they are excited about or worried about.
What we devote our thoughts and actions to will create feelings. Soon you will start to feel differently. It will be slowly, over time, but it will surely happen.
This is what God did for me. I have always loved my husband , but not always had loving feelings towards him. I started showing him love like I did in the beginning and before I knew it, I had "fallen in love" with him again. Since then, God has been teaching me to show him unconditional love.
This is one of the hardest things I have ever had to do. When someone has no feelings for you, they can be very cold and cruel. It is extremely difficult to let go of offense and show them love, knowing you aren't going to get anything in return.
I try to remember that this must be what our Heavenly Father feels like with us. I thank Him and praise Him for His mercy, grace and love.
