I've had a makeover...

I hope when people look at me they wonder what is different. You see, I have had a makeover. I am different!

Alcohol, Drugs, Sex, Spending money, Eating, Dieting, Makeovers, Facelifts, Botox, Liposuction, Enhancements, Anti-depressants, Parties, Traveling...

People try many different things to fill voids, bandage wounds and heal hurts, change themselves and their lives in some way. But most of it is usually superficial and unlasting.

I have thought of many of these at one time or other in the past; wanting to change myself and what was wrong with my life, and like many others, looking in the wrong places.

We all face sorrow and deep disappointment at some point in or lives. We may look in many places for relief. But Jesus is the answer for our heartache and despair. Harry Lauder, the great Scottish comedian, receiving word that his son had been killed, said, "In times like this, there are three courses open to man; He may give way to despair and become bitter. He may endeavor to drown his sorrow in drink or in a life of wickedness. Or he may turn to God."

I know what it is like, to have everything and everyone that you have depended on for the foundation of your strength and happiness, taken away cruelly in less than one year's time. My parents, my husband, and consequently, my mother-in-law, all removed from my life. I felt totally abandoned. My children tried to be there for me, but it wasn't their job to support me, but my job to be a support for them. They too had lost and were suffering. I was floundering around in a vast sea of desolation and pain; unable to swim and drowning. My immediate response was despair and bitterness.

BUT GOD!!! 

Thank you, Holy Spirit, for drawing me and speaking to me. Thank you, Lord that you didn't give up on me and abandoned me like others have.

God is so good and merciful, loving and compassionate. He sees us in our turmoil and feels our pain. Like the loving Father He is, He doesn't listen to the venomous words we spew out in anger, but He looks at our brokenness. And though we are to blame for the places we find ourselves, He tenderly takes our hand and says,

"Don't be afraid. I am here with you. Your trust and dependency has been misplaced. Just trust me and lean on me. I will never abandon you. I will walk with you, and wrap you in my mighty arms of comfort and protection.I will bind up your brokenness and heal you. I see your tears, and each one is a prayer from your heart that I have heard and recorded. I am a jealous God; I will not share the place of honor, devotion, and love in your heart. Look to me, depend on me, honor and love me first. I will take care of everything else. I am your strength, your refuge, your comfort, your counselor, your Father, and your husband. Run into my arms!"

How can anyone not love a Savior like this? How could I turn anywhere else? Where else could I find the transformation I wanted, and the help and hope I needed?

Yes, people may look at me and think I look basically the same; but I have had a makeover. I am no longer the same person I was. My heart is different. My life is different. My focus is different. I pray He will continue to change my heart, teach me, guide me, and lead me on the path to the destiny He has for me.

Thank you, Lord, for the work you are doing in my life, my heart, and in the hearts of those I pray for. Continue to change me and teach me and fill me with your love until I am transformed into someone like You.

I felt I should back up a little, since I left out the last 5 months. The children and I moved the first of September. I was worried about how they would adjust, and about us being alone, I needn't have. When will I learn; if you are following God's plan for you then it will be alright?

The move itself was not a good experience. The movers lost or broke a good portion of our things, of course the most expensive things. One daughter lost her entire wardrobe. All of the accessories to their video gaming system and all their games were lost. A box containing all of my jewelry and some of my daughters' was also 'lost' in transition. To top it off we lived in a totally empty house for a week before they managed to deliver what was left of our things. But enough complaining.

The place God allowed us to rent (from pics on the Internet) is wonderful. It isn't large by any means. It is smaller, but so cozy and homey feeling. The location is out a little from town, but in a pleasant neighborhood, and the half-acre yard is very nice. The air is fresh and you can see the stars in the night sky. It is peaceful and comforting and like medicine for my soul. My city girl was a little freaked by the country, at first. She couldn't believe there was so much space without people. Happily, after being here a few weeks she started coming around. In fact, she came in one night after a spending the afternoon and evening on a farm back off to itself, declaring that we should live somewhere like that!

The kids love their new schools and feel like the people are friendlier here. Which of course, I think they are. For the most part people here are just good, down-to-earth people and relatively accepting. Quite the change from some places we have lived.


We made our first church visit the second week we were here. The plan was to check out different churches and decide where we liked and felt the most comfortable. Then we would chose from those options. Well, that was the plan anyway. We walked into church that morning and into something different than we had ever experienced. This church had been praying for two years for a move of God. He showed up. They were in their 13th week of revival at that time. It went on for another 6 weeks. 
I asked the kids about visiting another church the next week. They unanimously agreed they didn't want to go somewhere else, they wanted to stay there. Obviously, we stayed. Three months later we joined the church.


I truly believe it was God's plan for us to come here when we did, live where we are living, and for us to go to that church during the revival. We have had peace here. I am making friends at church and getting involved there. I am growing so much spiritually, and I know there is more to come. I am full of anticipation and expectancy.

 "For I know the plans I have for you, plans for good, not for harm; plans for hope and a future."

"The joy of the Lord is my strength!"

A week ago Sunday was a great day! I couldn't explain it, but I felt different that morning. I didn't get to my devotions that morning, and I was running late leaving for church. As usual the traffic was frustrating and I started to complain. Then I just stopped and said, "Shut up, Trish! Stop your complaining." I immediately felt less stressful. Then, suddenly, the road before me just opened up! The traffic just sort of parted like the Red Sea! We wound up arriving at the church a few minutes before it started. Praise and worship was incredible. I felt such love and peace and joy and I praised God!

My faith felt so strong and I felt so encouraged. It was like God had reached out and pulled me up a level. I believe he has. Later that afternoon, I went on Facebook to a person's page I don't routinely visit. When I saw the information on that page, it was like a dagger had been plunged into my heart. My first reaction was to start to break down. I put my head in my hands and started to cry. Then I stopped myself and started speaking out, "God is still in control. He is still God Almighty, His word is still true, His promises still stand. The circumstances don't change His faithfulness or what He's doing! Thank you God, that you are working in my life and that you are faithful to your word. You aren't a man that you should lie."

And I let it go. I gave it to Him, I spoke faith and His promises to my situation, and I let Him take it.  I still find myself having to fight against my mind trying to dwell on it,and I find myself trying to pick up that load again. But it isn't mine anymore, it belongs to Him.

"...for I know whom I have believed and I am convinced that He is able to guard what I have entrusted to Him until that day."

That night, I got into bed and started doing the devotions I hadn't done that morning. The first one was about running to God with our struggles and heartaches, and how He stills the doubts and fears, and gives us comfort and peace.

The next one, from Joyce Meyer, was about remaining steadfast and persevering. "...in the heat of our struggles, the Holy Spirit is probably doing His greatest work within us. He is not moved by the circumstances. If you and I really trust Him, we shouldn't be either!"

After that came a devotional by Annabel Gillham. Hers are always in my top two favorites. But that day's writing sounded as though I had written it.

"So my emotions very successfully "unraveled" my fairly nice day about 4:30 this afternoon. Oh, it wasn't a horrible accident or anything like that: it was a "heart" problem--and I don't mean that little organ that beats inside my chest. I mean something very close to me--something that I hold very dear--was chopped down to the ground. No. Chopping would be a slow process. This was more like a chain saw working--fast, ruthless, no prisoners. I really didn't have time to "practice what I teach"--it was okay one minute and the next my little world had a huge bomb explode sending shards everywhere."

I had to stop reading; I was crying and laughing at the same time. Oh God, you are so awesome! So incredibly awesome! It still amazes me when He speaks so clearly, and is so wonderful in the things He does! Those devotionals were not a coincidence. They were meant for me, for that day, as surely as I am breathing. The Lord couldn't have made it any more personal if He had put them on post-it notes and stuck them in my Bible. What a wonderful, loving Savior!

"They proclaimed a fast..."

So, I have been on a 21 day fast with the church. Oh no, I am not doing a complete fast. I chose to do a Daniel's fast. Vegetables, fruits, brown rice, and water. The first few days were a little tough because ...well, let's face it; I had been eating anything and everything with no holds barred, through the holidays. It was tough to get over the desire for meat, bread, dairy, and sweets. Surprisingly enough, the sweets were the easiest to do without. I believe it would have been easier to do a total, full fast. It is always easier to stay away from something than it is to exercise self-control!

After about 10 days, I felt God transitioning me into a half fast. I now only eat in the evening and that is still following the Daniel's fast guidelines. I have also felt called to extend the fast for 40 days, instead of the original 21. I wasn't sure until Wednesday night when the Pastor said he felt he needed to tell us that if some of us would extend the fast to 40 days we would see barriers broken. I have some barriers that need to be broken. I am hoping that after the 40 days, I will find they have come down like the walls of Jericho!

I have felt more sensitive to the Spirit's promptings. Many times He has pricked my conscious as I was doing devotions with the kids, reading, or listening to some teaching. It is humbling to be teaching your children about something and have to stop and ask forgiveness from them for that very thing. It is especially hard to apologize when they have done wrong and were being rebellious. Pride will try to keep you from doing it by saying they will think if you are taking blame, then they are off the hook, and that they have gotten by with something. I have decided that it's my job to do what I should, teach them what is right, be an example of repentance, and leave it to the Holy Spirit to work in them. Something I should have learned long ago. It would have saved a great deal of stress and grief throughout the years. Thank you Lord that I am finally learning it now.

I guess 'they' are right, it's never too late.

Blogging Revisited

Hello, again!

When I started this blogging experiment, I wasn't sure what I was doing and my mental state left much room for improvement. I'm thinking you picked up on that by my posts! Since it has been a while, I thought I would try again. Who knows? Maybe, I'll even get better at it.

Samuel Elijah
Zwakenberg

Much has changed in the year since I last posted. First off, my precious little grandson, Samuel Elijah, joined the ranks on February 26th. I have no doubts that God chose to use him and his cousin Elizabeth, as medicine to help heal my heart. And of course, as always, He knew exactly what He was doing! Babies have a healing power for me like nothing else. 

Next big event: the divorce was final August 3rd. I'm sure he thinks he freed himself of me that day. He is mistaken. It will surprise him when he realizes that he isn't free of me, I'm still there; deep inside of his heart. We became one in the eyes of God over thirty years ago and he can't undo that with documents. I am, and always will be, a permanant part of him; like the color of those beautiful eyes I love so much.

The year was difficult in many ways. All of my children and grandchildren lived with me most of the year. As much as I love having them around, having 14-16  of us, (depending on who else popped in) all in one house, was just not a good idea.

I know, you are wondering, how I can have a sense of humor about it? Well, it helps that I am now five months and another state down the road! Yes, that's right, I have moved. But that's another post.

Anyway, as the saying goes, "God never gives us more than we can handle."

         Though sometimes we might like to take issue with that,
                                                        when we are in the middle of the mess!


                                                                                                       stay tuned...